


return

by tidalwavs



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Feelings, Fluff and Angst, How Do I Tag, M/M, atsukita is there, haha there are a Lot of Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:55:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24455548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tidalwavs/pseuds/tidalwavs
Summary: Osamu thought that it was easier that way. Suna running to catch the train with those baggage and a rushed unintelligible words of goodbye was the easiest way to say goodbye.
Relationships: Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou
Comments: 34
Kudos: 174





	return

**Author's Note:**

> hello! this is my first fic! this is not beta read so sorry for the mistakes and inconsistencies. idk how to tag this story so you're in for a wild ride! i hope you'll enjoy reading nevertheless <3
> 
> _*edited as of 200831*_

It’s been an hour already since Miya Osamu boarded the first train bound to go back to Hyogo. He decided to take the train this time instead of driving all the way for hours and besides, he needs to be alone with his thoughts for the meantime. It’s been almost a year since he went back to Hyogo. Juggling multiple branches of Onigiri Miya has been tough for the most part. He’s even guilty of missing out on a lot of holidays, celebrations and reunions. This is exactly why he needs to be alone with his thoughts for a while or else he’s probably gonna crash his car if he went off to drive. His mind isn’t exactly as peaceful right now. 

He checks his wristwatch. _Goddammit_ , he thought. It’s been only 40 minutes since he boarded the train, not even an hour has passed. He checks his phone next. _dont tell me u missed the_ _train, u ass._ The message was from his brother Atsumu. _I did not,_ he replies. He tried to come up with a witty insult to annoy him back but he’s not in the proper headspace to bite back. He considers listening to music but gives up on the idea after realizing he’s been skipping songs after songs. He shoves his phone back at the pocket of his jeans from where it rightfully belongs.

He sighs and adjusts himself from his seat then buries his face in his hands. From what exactly is he so anxious about? The paper bag from the convenience store he bought before he boarded the train caught the corner of his sight. Osamu shut his eyes hard and took a sharp inhale. He exhales and snatches the paper bag from the space next to him. He opens them and peers inside the paper bag. He mentally lists the contents on his head. Three onigiris, three bottles of water, a pack of mints, a bag of chips and a copy of the latest Volleyball Monthly magazine. He notes how few were the food that he bought. He’s not in the mood to eat anyways, which is rare. He’s more anxious than he thought. 

With nervous and almost shaking hands, he takes the magazine out of the paper bag. It’s the same A4 sized magazine he and Tsumu took turns in reading back in high school. It’s the same magazine where they were even featured multiple times before. Osamu stopped reading Volleyball Monthly after Tsumu moved out of their home. He was the one who bought them after all. His allowance and savings went to food, his brother’s went to Volleyball Monthly magazines, it was as simple as that. He never bought a copy even if Atsumu was on the cover. Instead, his brother sends him a copy that always comes with an annoying note. Those were the only times he read the magazine again.

His first copy of Volleyball Monthly with Suna Rintarou in the cover sure hits differently. 

Osamu inspects the front cover. The same Volleyball Monthly typeface, the same magazine layout but he just can't seem to get used to a 22 year old Suna Rintarou in his white EJP uniform. Although Suna’s appearance didn’t really change for the past years, he feels like Suna did change. Suna certainly built more muscles over the years, grew more inches… what else? Osamu can’t seem to pinpoint what else really changed. It’s probably the white uniform but Osamu can’t fool himself since Inarizaki’s alternate uniform was a white one. The contrast of his new white uniform shouldn’t bother him that much from that fact. _It’s still Suna right_ It’s still the same face and the same point-blank serious expression that was hard to read from eight years ago. It’s still the same natural hair length and color. If they’re going to talk about a changed appearance, it’s Osamu the one to talk. 

He flips the magazine, it’s still Suna on the back cover. It’s Suna’s sports drink ad. Who would’ve thought, really? With a sigh, Osamu removes the resealable plastic cover from the magazine and goes through the pages. He stops on a page with Suna’s photo. He’s doing the pose he does all time when concentrating to do a block. The pose where he lifts his loosely clasped hands together just below his eyes. _Nothing has changed_ , Osamu tried to convince himself. 

He opens the pack of mints that he bought along with the magazine. Props to himself for really being a train wreck today because he actually dislikes mints. He just went on the aisle of candies and chocolates at the convenience store and randomly grabbed the first thing his hand whatever reached. Strangely, today, the mint helped him cool down a little bit, allowing him to breathe a little more properly this time. 

_A rising volleyball player hailing from Hyogo Prefecture. Inarizaki High’s former middle blocker. EJP’s Suna Rintarou from the Monster Generation._

The article starts by introducing Suna, Osamu felt strange since he didn’t find any sense of familiarity at all. He carefully reads the words, pauses, and thinks if this is Suna that he knew at all. He absorbs the new information pertaining to Suna like his current height, weight, fingertip height, jump reach, vertical reach, etc. Then, humors himself dryly on the information he already knew. Suna is a mysterious unknown force Osamu wishes he knew from the start. The article on Suna features a full interview. Osamu never heard anything firsthand again about Suna for years now. He was really not fond of looking up videos or articles. _Fuck_ , he and Suna didn’t talk for _years_. _Hell_ , even Atsumu didn’t mention Suna in his presence. He suddenly feels bitter despite the mint melting on his tongue.

* * *

_A rising volleyball player hailing from Hyogo Prefecture. Inarizaki High’s former middle blocker. EJP’s Suna Rintarou from the Monster Generation._

Volleyball Monthly: Is it true that you’re actually from Tokyo?

Suna Rintarou: Born and raised in Tokyo. My father got transferred to Hyogo because of his job so we had to move there, and I had to transfer school. I was in my first year of high school.

Volleyball Monthly: And that school is Inarizaki High right?

* * *

It was actually three weeks already when the school year started, when Suna Rintarou from Tokyo transferred to Inarizaki Highschool of Hyogo Prefecture. 

It was a Tuesday when Miya Atsumu decided to be an ass and stayed in the shower for too long that morning. Said Miya Atsumu decided to be a big jerk as well and left Osamu to head for school first. Miya Atsumu didn’t stop there though because Miya Atsumu also took his share of extra milk bread he’s supposed to eat for break. He’s going to be late anyways, so Osamu took his sweet time walking to school. At least he needs to cool his head first or he’s really gonna walk into Atsumu’s classroom and square him in the face right there. He climbed the stairs to his classroom with a clenched fist, trying to time his breathing. He then turns for the East wing of the hallway. He realized he’s still slightly stomping his feet, so he slowed down his walking. He feels like he can hear Atsumu’s potty mouth despite his classroom being at the West wing of the hallway. He closed his eyes, took a measured breath, and exhaled his morning negativity. Afterall, he doesn’t want to be as cranky as Atsumu. Class 1-2. Osamu slid through the sliding door and everyone turned their heads. There were audible gasps. 

“Osamu-kun!”

Osamu, still at the back door, faced his teacher across the room. His teacher was wearing a shocked expression that mirrored his classmates’ faces. What caught his attention the most though is a ‘Suna Rintarou’ written on the blackboard and said ‘Suna Rintarou’ standing in front. A transfer student?

“Osamu-kun, what time do you think it is already? You’re 20 minutes late! 20 minutes! And your hair! What is this gimmick Osamu-kun?” Oh, his hair. He finally remembered. Last night, he and Atsumu bleached and dyed their hair. It seemed like his teacher caught his morning negativity instead. It looked like the first class hadn't even started yet and it’s just a homeroom class anyway. 

“Come in already and go to your seat.” Osamu slightly bowed his head upon hearing his teacher’s sigh and walked to his assigned seat. Usually, upon arriving at his seat, he would fold his arms and use them as a pillow to sleep on his desk but probably not this morning to make up for his tardiness. 

“Ah, sorry for that Suna-kun. You can take that vacant seat adjacent to Osamu-kun’s.” Their teacher pointed at the vacant seat and the new student followed. _Ah, the new student._ The first thing Osamu noted was, new student is tall. New student walked towards his seat, upon closer inspection, Osamu next noted his eyes. New student was wearing a point-blank expression but he did notice the eyes. _He’s like a fox._ New student took a seat in front, adjacent to him, so he can’t note anything anymore since new student’s back is facing him. What’s his name again?

Osamu squints his eye at the blackboard, ‘Suna Rintarou’. _Chibetto suna gitsune?_ A Tibetan sand fox? Suna Rintarou of Inarizaki High School. _He really is like a fox,_ Osamu laughed at the lame joke to himself. 

It was lunch break when Osamu and Suna first talked to each other. It was nothing special, really.

Osamu was about to head to the canteen to buy himself a drink and was hopeful he would bump into Atsumu to give him a good beating for what he did earlier that morning. He was putting away his things from his desk when their class president approached him, he was with the new student.

“Ah, Osamu-kun, do you guys still accept members for the volleyball team?” the class president asked while scratching the back of his head. “Suna-kun here is interested, you see.” _Oh, so he_ _plays volleyball,_ Osamu thought. That was unexpected. He’s tall but doesn’t look athletic at all. 

“I think so.” Osamu stood up and noticed the few centimeters height difference. He’s probably a middle blocker. “Why don’t ya come with me later at practice?”

“Osamu-kun, right?”

“Yes?”

* * *

Osamu takes another mint from the pocket and lets it dissolve in his mouth. He pauses for a while and looks out at the train’s window. Nostalgia is catching up to him. He sees his faint reflection in the train’s window. That day, Suna rejected his offer, saying he had something to do later that day but the day after that, Suna asked him himself if he could go with him to the practice. It was an awkward first meeting. Suna is a mysterious unknown force Osamu wished he knew from the start. Osamu still wishes he knew what goes on Suna’s head. He flips the next page of the magazine.

* * *

VM: Inarizaki High got this reputation for being a powerhouse team that’s been always dubbed as the strongest challenger at the Nationals. What was it like being in that team and playing with your former teammates?

S: Playing for that team and playing with my teammates was the highlight of my high school and adolescent years. It was very special since that said team and teammates brought me where I am now. I still keep in touch with some of them and I am still very good friends with them.

VM: A lot of current V-League players were your teammates. Aran Ojiro, Miya Atsumu, Heisuke Riseki… how were they like in your high school days?

S: Heisuke was just a pinch server back then but he’s got determination and worked his way earning the best server award at the Nationals during his time. Aran was reliable as ever and he was the one who scolded Atsumu the most. Atsumu is, well, Atsumu. *laughs*

VM: Back with our interview with Aran he also said the same about Atsumu.

S: We took turns in scolding them, but we always easily gave up on them. Aran did the best on this job. If not, it was Kita-san, our captain, who put them back in their place.

VM: Ah, by means of them, it’s Atsumu and his twin brother Osamu right?

* * *

It didn’t take a lot of time for Osamu and Suna to be relatively close to each other. 

Two weeks after they met, he and Suna started eating their lunch together. Suna would go to Osamu’s desk and dump his lunch box, take a chair, and sit opposite him. They would talk about their classes and volleyball. They would talk shit about Atsumu and sometimes Suna would talk bits and pieces about Tokyo. Sometimes, if they’re feeling generous, they would let Atsumu and Ginjima join them.

One month and they already made a pact on how to deal with long canteen queues. Every Wednesday, Suna’s favorite bread was sold. Unfortunately for him, he was assigned to clean the board after their class, which was just before their break time. In Osamu’s case, it was Thursday. Osamu loves anything from the canteen though. So, they made a pact. Osamu would buy Suna’s bread for him on Wednesdays and Suna would buy for Osamu on Thursdays. Sometimes Suna would buy him extra candies or gum.

Two months and he would let Suna borrow things from him. Suna did the same. At first, it was just an extra towel when Suna forgot his. Often, Suna would borrow a book for ‘leverage’ when he was sleeping on his desk. Most of the time, they would borrow textbooks from Atsumu and Ginjima because ‘they left and forgot theirs’. It was until Atsumu and Ginjima noticed they were being tricked by them so they could bring less books to carry in their bags to school.

Three months and he let Suna take random photos and videos of him. Suna started coming out shell and showed more of his sly side. Mostly, it was just taking candid stolen photos until his blackmail material grew. Predominantly, they were photos of Osamu sleeping, Ginjima when he was seen with the girl he apparently likes and Atsumu being Atsumu.

Four months when he learned all the food that Suna didn’t like. Four months into eating lunch together every day, Osamu noticed that Suna would pick out the beans. Suna would remove the large onions from his burgers before eating them and he would ask for no mayo for dressings. He doesn’t like any mango flavored things but loves mango. Suna would always remove the pineapples on his pizza. So, Osamu, in any case, would say, _“Are ya gonna eat that?”_ until he didn’t need to ask anymore and just take them without asking. 

Five months and Suna joined the twins when walking home. Atsumu would usually stay behind for more time to practice and Osamu would wait for him most of the time when he was not in a hurry to go home. Sometimes he would join his brother due to his provocations. On a certain week that their gym was being renovated for a while, they all walked together home until it was time to part on a certain intersection. When the gym was finally opened again, Suna joined Osamu in staying behind to wait for Atsumu. Sometimes they would make funny commentaries while Atsumu was practicing. That always ended up in Kita-san demanding them to go home already and Atsumu a blushing mess. Apparently, Kita-san always stayed behind to double check on everything that was left behind. 

Six months when they went to each other’s house. Two weeks before a weekend training camp, they decided to study together every after class and practice since, _“If ya don’t get passin’_ _remarks for yer exam, ya can’t join the weekend training camp.”_ , their coach threatened them. In their first week of studying, they would take turns in each other’s houses. The Miya household, Ginjima’s house and Suna’s. They stayed more often in Gin's house since A.) it was closer, B.) the twins behave well if they’re in someone else’s house and C.) Gin’s mom pampered them too much. It was until Gin's crush offered to tutor him and Atsumu _“askin’ someone more intelligent_ _like Kita-san”_ to tutor him too. On those remaining last days, Osamu thought that it was nice since _‘the house is peaceful without that idiot.’_ Suna and Osamu studied together for the rest of the days although it was mostly playing pro evolution soccer in the console as ‘break time’. He also learned for a fact that Suna was too damn good at playing any card games. Be it cheating his way or doing magic tricks to impress them. It was those typical “pick a card”, “don’t show me your card”, “is this your card?” tricks. 

In the end, fortunately for the four of them, they got passing remarks. Gin got the highest remarks, they’re really not surprised about that fact. Atsumu got the lowest remark that therefore concludes he probably just stared at Kita-san’s face for the whole time they studied and forgot everything he studied for on the examination day.

Seven months when things got different and closer. Closer, in a way that it felt like an airtight pressure that had never been there before. A pressure that made Osamu feel things. He was bothered. Not that he's uncomfortable with it but he was just confused if it was alright. Osamu was bothered since they were a lot of things. Those said things that he can’t even name or directly label what he felt for that time.

He started having these thoughts on a lunch at the school rooftop.

“So, why did you drag me here?” They were both panting since Osamu suddenly grabbed Suna and their lunch boxes when the bell for lunch break rang. Suna’s face was painted with confusion, his thin eyebrows almost meeting each other. “You never have this much amount of energy in the middle of the day.” 

“Tsumu will surely come for me.” Suna raised an eyebrow at him. “So, what did you do this time?” Osamu held up a plastic bag that Suna didn’t even notice until now. “I stole his food. Well it’s not stealin’, I am just claimin’ what he stole from me last time.” Suna sat down and patted the space beside him. “Thanks for the food then.”

Atsumu never found out where they were. They finished their lunch and Atsumu’s pudding fast, but they decided to stay there for a while. They were both leaning their backs in a wall and they could see the whole school grounds from where they were sitting. 

“Hey, look at that,” Suna pointed in a direction where there were trees and students eating under their shade. “I am pretty sure that’s Miyuki from class 1-4 with the captain of the basketball team.” Osamu squinted at the direction Suna was pointing at. How the hell Suna recognized them from this far? _Fox eyes._

“Where?” Osamu scanned the area Suna pointed out. There were too many trees and students and he can’t tell which one is the one. 

“See that group of girls under the biggest tree?” Suna pointed at them and moved his finger a bit to his left, “It’s hard to see since it seems like they’re trying to hide and be discreet but… there.” 

Osamu was caught up between the thoughts of getting his eyes checked and how Suna could even notice them. Suna suddenly grabbed his face and tilted it. The proximity: too close.

“There.” Suna let it go. “You’re looking at the wrong way. Can you see them now?” 

In that abrupt 6.47 seconds, Osamu noticed the tiny things that suddenly felt big. Suna’s eyes are a shade of green with good proper lighting and sometimes grayish at first glance. Suna wears a bit of eyeliner. Suna’s hair sticks out in a really cute way. Suna’s lips look really smooth, now that he thinks of it, it’s never chapped. Suna’s face looks delicate despite the point-blank expressions he always wears. Suna is… too beautiful? He was not so sure of himself anymore. Suna is a mysterious unknown force he wishes he knew from the start. 

Osamu blinked and felt his blood rushing to his face. His heart was beating too rapidly, something he never experienced even in his whole volleyball career. 

“Yeah. I can see ‘em now.” _Definitely._

They started spending more time on the rooftop during their lunch breaks with their backs against a wall and just watching the school grounds. When they got tired of watching the grounds, they started watching the clouds. They laid their backs on the ground and Suna was particularly talkative everytime. Osamu’s heart was never calm in those moments.

“That cloud is a turtle.” Suna pointed at the sky. Osamu was beside him, his hands folded at the back of his head. “That one is a deer.”, Suna pointed at another cloud.

“The turtle is dehydrated you see?” Suna always made stories about the clouds.

“Dehydrated?” Osamu snickered a small laugh.

“Yeah, that’s why he loves staying in the water more than the land. The turtle also finds it hard to carry that big ass shell, that’s why he’s slow. But in the water, he just floats.”

“I see.”

“The deer…” Suna paused and hummed while thinking. Osamu smiled, a smile that was only between him and the sky. “The deer wants to be together with the turtle, but the deer can’t swim. The deer just stay by the stream to be with the turtle. One day, the deer finally learned how to swim. The truth is, the deer is just scared to go in the water, that’s why the deer thinks he can’t swim.” At this point, Osamu closed his eyes and listened to Suna’s story more intently. Osamu found Suna’s voice to be comforting. It was probably the absence of the Kansai dialect that makes Suna’s voice so different, new, and comforting. Osamu can’t really tell. He filed this fact under his list of _‘things he doesn’t know what to feel about’_ .

“So,” Suna continued, “the deer went to meet the turtle, but the turtle is gone. He learned from the other animals that the turtle went on a journey to find a cure for his dehydration. The deer remained faithful and waited for the turtle’s return. It took months for the turtle to return. In animal time, months are equivalent to human years, by the way.” Osamu nodded. “When the turtle returned, the deer strangely felt empty and nothing. The turtle changed. The turtle returned without his shell.”

Osamu frowned and tried to picture a turtle without its shell. Suna’s stories always ended up like this. Weird and sometimes kind of morbid. He was secretly fond of them. His eyes suddenly snapped open when he felt Suna flicked his forehead.

“Hey-” Osamu protested but found himself cutting himself off. Suna’s face is 15 centimeters away from him. The proximity: too close. “Are you even listening?” Suna asked, pulled away from him and sat up. Osamu put his forearm on his face, trying to cover his face from sudden sunlight peeking from the turtle shaped cloud or the blood rushing to his face. Osamu wished he knew what goes on Suna’s head. He peeked at the clouds and saw the deer shaped cloud’s composition drifting away from each other. 

“Yea…”

* * *

Osamu looks out from the train window. The cirrus clouds form shapeless contours in the sky. Unlike before, Osamu thinks that he already knows now what kind of feelings are those. Time finally feels like it's moving again. Osamu checks his phone for the time and finds another text message from Atsumu. _text me 15 mins before u get off so i can go pick u up at the station._ He replies with affirmation and realizes he’s a bit hungry. His stomach earlier this morning feels just plain bad, like it can’t take any food from his restlessness. Reading Suna’s interview oddly calmed him down when it’s one of the reasons he feels weird all this time. He decides to snack on something light first. So, honey butter chips it is. He regrets not buying the bread instead and picks up back on the page where he left.

* * *

VM: Do you have a favorite memory from high school, aside from volleyball related events?

S: I am not sure if this is unrelated to volleyball, but my favorite would be dropping by a convenience store to eat after volleyball training.

VM: Can you tell us what was your favorite after training snacks then?

S: Chuupets

* * *

Time moved forward as a year’s worth, about time when Osamu and Suna came into mutual understanding about it, those _things,_ and unknown feelings. They were in their second year of high school. Most things stayed the same. Things have also changed for the most. The four of them, Atsumu, Ginjima, Osamu and Suna, have become all starting players. The team operated on a different level than their previous team from last year with their seniors graduated and with Aran and the others taking over as the third years now, this became one of Inarizaki’s strongest set of players. 

Practices became more intense as ever. In their second year, Osamu would buy Suna’s bread every Tuesday and Suna would still buy food and extra candies for Osamu on Thursdays. Suna finally learned how to eat his beans but still refused to eat the pineapples on his pizza. Suna pretty much borrowed Osamu’s things almost on the same level as Atsumu. Gin got himself a girlfriend. Atsumu was still a blushing mess in front of Kita-san. It was painful to watch. 

On clear days, Suna and Osamu would go to the rooftop. They don’t see Miyuki from class 1-4 (now from class 2-5) anymore with the captain of the basketball team eating lunch together under the tree, he graduated already. They would still watch the clouds and Suna never ran out of made up stories for them. Sometimes, Suna would rest his head on Osamu’s shoulder, with their backs leaning against the wall. Suna would scroll mindlessly on his phone and Osamu would sometimes fall asleep like that. Sometimes it’s the other way around. Osamu’s heart was never calm in those moments. The facts and files on his list of _‘things he doesn’t know what to_ _feel about’_ piled up. 

When Atsumu got sick, Kita-san sent him to go home. The rest of them though, still stayed for the rest of the practice. Knowing Atsumu, he was probably a dying man at home. After practice, it was one of those rare days where Osamu and Suna were the only ones walking home. 

“I am jealous of Atsumu. I want to receive Kita-san’s care package as well.” Suna kicked a stray pebble and turned to face Osamu. “Let’s stop by a convenience store first.”

“Sur-” Osamu was interrupted by his phone’s ringtone. Atsumu’s name and photo were on display on his phone screen. He decided to answer his call this time and was greeted by Atsumu’s nasally voice. 

“Samu, mom said to buy face masks so ya won’t catch my cold.” Osamu almost forgot how fast he would catch a cold or fever too when Atsumu was sick. Osamu admits to having a weaker immune system. When they were kids and when Atsumu was sick, he would stay over at their grandma’s house for the mean time until Atsumu got well since they shared a room and just mostly literally everything. 

“And buy me more pickled plums!” He heard a terrible sniffling on the other line. _Geez_ , Osamu wondered where his twin got all this energy and enthusiasm. He sounded too cheerful for a sick person. 

“No.” he ended the call and sighed knowing he would still buy him pickled plums despite saying no. 

“Tsumu asked me to buy him pickled plums and I need to go buy face masks.” Osamu said to Suna. “Kita-san is amazin’, isn’t he? Tsumu hates eatin’ pickled plums when he’s sick but here he is now, askin’ me to buy more.”

“I hope Kita-san buys me chuupets when I get sick.” Suna promptly said. 

“Kita-san won’t since it’ll only worsen your cold.” 

“Samu, I am counting on you to buy chuupets for me then.” Osamu noted that Suna never called him ‘Samu’. He hated adding notes on his non-existent list. He was running out of space to note them. 

“I don’t wanna be held responsible for your health and Kita-san would grill me for it.” 

“How’s your brother by the way?”

“He sounds like death but somethin’ tells me he’s beyond fine right now.” 

“Atsumu likes Kita-san doesn’t he? No, let me rephrase that, Atsumu L-words Kita-san. Oh, we’re here.” Suna and Osamu stopped their tracks. Indeed, they were already in front of the convenience store and he didn’t even notice. Suna went on ahead and held the door for him. Once they were in, they went to the respective aisles. Suna went to the rows of the freezer for his chuupets and he went to the aisle of medical supplies. Osamu looked up and saw Suna’s reflection at the convex security mirror. 

The ‘L-word’. Osamu’s head felt like he wass solving an equation. Even though he felt like he was getting the answer, it only added more questions. Just more _‘whys’_ and _‘hows’_. His ‘list’ finally got the numbers. He narrowed down his list by its average and got the mean. He stared at the pack of medical masks as if asking it what he should do next.

“Get this one, the material of this one is really durable.” Suna removed the pack of medical mask from its hook and handed it to Osamu. “I think the pickled plums are on the second aisle from the left.”

They respectively paid at the counter. Once they stepped foot outside, Osamu asked Suna. 

“Hey, mind hangin’ around with me for a while?” Osamu never felt this nervous in his entire life. Not on his first tournament, not when he and Atsumu got separated on their first day of class in first grade. This was different because it’s an unknown ground. He heard once from Kita-san that there’s no need to get nervous on things you always do like when you’re at a volleyball match or eating. This is not a volleyball match, and this is not the same as eating. He doesn’t even know what he was about to do. 

“I guess hanging out with me is more important than Atsumu waiting for his pickled plums. Sure.” Suna grinned at him. It was the grin he uses all the time when he teases or provokes someone on court because Suna can read everyone like an open book. Did he already read this part and knows what’s about to happen? 

The thing is, Osamu is a better liar than Atsumu. He always denies when Atsumu asks him things or when he wants to pull a prank. His face can even match Suna’s point blank expression. A heart beating too rapidly and the blood rushing to his face are the things he cannot deny anymore though.

“Anythin’ but Atsumu is more important.” Osamu sat down on a bench in front of the store and Suna followed.

“So, what is it?” Suna asked as if he already knows what's the motivation behind this ‘hang out’.

“It’s about Tsumu actually”, Osamu lied. “I am worried about him, you see.”

“That’s new.” Suna snapped the ice pops in half and offered Osamu the half of it. Osamu took it as a distraction thinking maybe he just needed some sugar. “Tell me about it.”

“Well you said that Atsumu ‘L-words’ Kita-san.” Osamu emphasized what he said by gesturing his fingers in making quotation marks in the air. Suna gestured to him to go on talking by nodding his head as he busied himself on sucking his ice pop. It was a mistake to look at Suna. Osamu convinced himself that he’s not like Atsumu: a blushing mess. 

“So…” he continued, never sparing a glance again at Suna. “Well, Atsumu’s ya know, he looks like he certainly knows his feelings, but he actually doesn’t. He goes ahead of himself and so he’s prone to makin’ these rash decisions. To be honest with ya, I don’t know if Tsumu ‘L-words’ Kita-san. Maybe he just ‘likes’ him. I don’t know. How can ya even tell?” he babbled, the ice pop on his hand started melting. 

“You know,” Osamu wanted to turn his head to Suna when he spoke but held himself back. “You two literally are carbon copies of each other. How dense can you two get?” Suna groaned and shot the now finished ice pop on the trash bin in front of them. 

“Wha-?” Before Osamu could even protest, Suna put a finger on his lips. 

“Shhhh. First of all, trust Atsumu. Second, I don’t know if you know but, spoiler alert, Kita-san obviously likes, loves, whatever Atsumu too. Third, Samu…” Osamu added another note to his list. He mentally scribbled them on a non-existent page filled with his own handwriting about these things and feelings. _This is the second time today he called me Samu_ , he thought. Suna removed his finger and sighed. “Newsflash, what you’re feeling right now. I think I know what it is, and I feel the same.”

Osamu wished he knew what goes on Suna’s head but he doesn’t have the mental capacity to do that. He tried to mentally note what Suna just said but unfortunately ran out of pages. They were all filled with notes since that day on the rooftop. He desperately tried to find a blank space.

“What is this feeling then?” he asked in a low voice instead, desperately longing for an answer. “The feeling of liking someone? Love? Whatever. Who knows? I told you, I know what you’re feeling right now. I am honestly as confused as you but the label’s not important right?” Osamu swore he could tell that Suna was blushing. That rare sight alone made him blush too. Blood rushed to his cheeks just the same as when he had taken a good look at Suna on that day at the rooftop.

“Right...What will we become from now on?”

“Whatever you do is fine with me.”

* * *

Osamu looks at the plastic bag beside him. _Shit_. It’s from the same convenience store. That night in front of the convenience store he and Suna mutually confessed and confirmed each other’s feelings. _What feelings?_ They don’t exactly know. He supposes that it was the exact problem from the start. _They don’t know._ Osamu fishes his phone out of his pocket and sends a long text to Atsumu that says: _“Hey, remember when you got sick in our second year? That time_ _when Kita-san sent you home with a care package. You probably don’t know but when you asked me to buy face masks and pickled plums on my way home, it was the time me and Suna ‘got together’, I guess. It was kind of funny because I literally used your name and projected my own feelings to ask Suna something that time that led us into ‘getting together’, I guess.”_

Osamu’s stomach feels better now that he finished the chips. He thinks he can finish the three onigiris he bought in one go now. He opens a bottle of water, the train rattles a bit, the water spills small puddles on the magazine.

* * *

VM: Do you have any pregame ritual(s) that you do before every game?

S: I make sure my hands are warmed up! Like, looking for a heater or dryer.

* * *

It was actually Osamu who got cold hands. It only happens very rarely though but when it does, his whole performance and form really sucks. _A total scrub_ , as Lord High Master Atsumu would say. They didn't want to waste more matches without Osamu. The whole team could still try and secure the bag without him but there are certain conditions that come with it. A.) Atsumu would get extra cranky on court and to everyone, B.) back up players, especially the juniors get too pressured filling Osamu’s position and Condition A doesn’t help at all, C.) sometimes Atsumu would get too much in the groove and want to do a crazy play, no one, except him, can really match along with him doing it. 

It was their qualifying match. He particularly felt nervous before that match. He was even on top form just moments ago. It was a very strange ‘nervous’ feeling. It was very sudden, like when you just thought about if ‘you did leave the gas stove open before leaving home’ kind of nervousness.

“Don’t tell me it’s gettin’ to ya. I need ya in top form, ya know how our opponent’s blockers can be.” _And I don’t wanna hear it from ya_ , Osamu thought of retaliating back to Atsumu but kept it to himself instead.

They were at the bleachers of the match venue. The next match starts for more 15 minutes. The team they were against wore a dark uniform too, so they decided to change for their alternate white uniform. Osamu didn’t want to move that time. He was still sitting with his head hanging low, a towel placed on his head.

“Don’t even think of messin’ up with yer serves! Same with the tosses. Just don’t be a scrub. I can tell from here how nervous ya are. What’s even up with y-” 

“That’s enough. You messed up a few serves too Atsumu.” Aran cut Atsumu off and pulled him away to probably scold him. It was a normal scene that was played in Inarizaki High Boys Volleyball Team. 

Osamu didn’t leave the gas open. He did not forget to throw away the food that’s about to spoil and make their refrigerator smell. He was not in a stage play. He didn’t have any lines to memorize and remember either. His hands felt a little cold. It usually starts like that, _a little cold._ His hands would turn a little cold, then it would shake a little, freeze on some moments like a running video lagging and delaying for moments, causing his hits to miss or get blocked.

“Osamu get changed already.” Kita-san called him out already. His body felt like it's refusing anything at all. His body stayed sitting still despite being called out by their captain. He rubbed his hands together to warm them up, but he felt a pair of hands holding them too. That pair of hands held each of his and started massaging and warming them up. Starting from the pulse of his wrist, his palm and until the tips of his finger and back again. Sometimes, a thumb would rub circles on his palm, relieving all his tensions. Once it's all finished, the pair of said hands just intertwined with his. _All warmed up now._

“Feelin’ better, scrub?” Suna teased, his voice trying to imitate Atsumu’s. “Or do I need to do it again?” 

He peeked below from the towel that was placed on his head, obscuring his view of Suna crouching and looking up in front of him. 

“Do it again Rin.” 

“Hah, no way. Kita-san’s already looking this way. Get change already.” Suna slapped his hand and removed the towel on his head. He looked at Suna properly who’s standing in front of him now. _Too beautiful_ , he thought.

“Help me get change.” Osamu deadpan said.

“No waaaaayyy.” Suna sang in a childish way, teasing him and absolutely loving it. 

“White looks good on ya. Maybe we should wear the white uniform more.”

* * *

_Yeah, no shit._ The photo of Suna wearing his white EJP track jacket on the page of the magazine seems like it’s mocking his life right now. His phone snoozes from the reply he received from Atsumu that says: _‘ok thats wild… why did ask? u alright? where r u rn? also, how_ _could i forget that day, i confessed to kita-san the day i got well from that cold and fever.’_

Osamu gets off the train to transfer to another one. It’s not particularly a holiday or anything. The reason for his return trip to Hyogo is because Atsumu wants them to have a get together before the season starts again plus his parents have been bugging him to visit them. Ever since the volleyball season’s break, Atsumu has been spending his time leisurely at home or at Kita-san’s, knowing him. Aran travels back and forth anywhere during his break, as from what he heard. The others who work on a regular job, took some days off for this particular gathering Atsumu puts together. He heard nothing about Suna. Is he already in Hyogo? Is he travelling right now, same as him? Is he still in Tokyo? Oita? Hiroshima? Who knows where.

He gets on the train again. He puts his bag on the top compartment and a Snoopy plush bag falls off. He tries saving it but slips out of his grasp. 

“Ah, that’s mine.” A young girl around 7 years old, picks it up. 

“Oh sorry. I’ll put it back again.” he offers. 

“It’s okay. I think I'll hold onto him for the whole ride.” she said lovingly and hugs her plush bag firmly. “I really love my Snoopy!” she flashes a grin showing off the gap from her front teeth.

* * *

VM: What makes you happy?

S:

* * *

It was that time again where they had to study extra hard or else, they won’t be part of their training camp. They would be having a weeklong summer training camp with other schools from their prefecture and their coach (and Kita-san) was strict about their summer homework getting done. Inarizaki High School Boys Volleyball Team, the faculty complained about them a lot. Whether it was one of them excusing their volleyball training, so they don’t have to do classroom duties, the twins causing a ruckus or their members’ failing grades. They were pretty much always on the faculty’s watchlist despite always bringing honor for their school for being the nation’s top high school volleyball team.

Their summer homework would serve as their ‘boarding pass’, their coach told them, or he would personally throw them off the bus. Them, the second years, decided to fall back in their routine. At the Miya household, Gin’s house and at Suna’s. They would study and try to fight the grueling summer heat. They would play cards on their break time or the console, trying to escape from the responsibility. It shifted from pro soccer evolution to Suna’s magic tricks. They would eat ice pops, shaved ice cream and mangoes. Their routine also fell apart again when Atsumu excused that “ _if I wanna finish this summer assignment on time, the sure way is to do it_ _with Kita-san”_ . God knows what actually Atsumu and Kita-san do, when Atsumu still gets the lowest scores among the four of them. On the second day before their due date, Gin told them that he already finished all of his summer assignments. Apparently, Gin video calls with his girlfriend at night and does the rest of it after their study sessions would finish. 

So, when Suna said to come over to his place and buy ice cream, Osamu grabbed his things and prepared to leave.

“Heh, so yer goin’ to _Rin’s_. Only the two of ya, huh?” Atsumu was standing by the door frame of their room with a bag of chips while Osamu was changing his shirt.

“Yeah. And yer goin’ to _Shin’s_ later right? Only the two of ya?” Osamu walked past his brother, about to head out already.

“I hate ya and I am goin’ to take yer food!” Atsumu chased after him in the hallway.

“Kita-san won’t kiss someone with that kind of attitude!” Osamu ran off their house before Atsumu could even reach and tease him back. 

He arrived at Suna’s with the promised ice cream and more treats he bought before coming over. They were in Suna's room, huddled together in front of the electric fan, eating their ice cream. Osamu regretted not wearing a t-shirt with lighter material or a sleeveless loose top like what Suna was wearing. 

“Happiness is two kinds of ice cream” Suna yelled at the electric fan, making the sound of his voice sound funny. Osamu laughed and Suna returned him a smile. The kind of smile where you really can’t see Suna’s eyes anymore. The kind of smile where his gums and the crooks of his teeth are already showing. The kind of smile that is enough to make him forget the grueling summer heat. Osamu’s heart was never calm in those moments.

“Knowing a secret, climbing a tree” Suna yelled back at the electric fan again, this time his eyes looking at Osamu’s. _God, those eyes._ Those eyes that caught Osamu’s attention on a certain Tuesday morning when he arrived late at class. Those eyes he saw clearly the first time on the school rooftop. Suna is too beautiful.

“Happiness is five different crayons” Suna snorted and bursted out laughing at the sound of his own distorted voice. 

“What even are ya sayin’?” Osamu managed to finally say, trying hard not to laugh again with him. Instead of giving him a reply, Suna went back to face the fan again, “Catching a firefly, setting him free.” Osamu wished to know what goes on Suna’s head. 

“Seriously, you don’t know?” Suna asked him and reached to brush back Osamu’s hair. “What kind of childhood you and Atsumu had? It’s a song from Snoopy.” They were sitting cross legged and were facing each other, their knees touching together. Their proximity: close enough in this gruelling summer heat. 

“Ya know, Tsumu teased me earlier and called you _‘Rin’_.” he began to tell Suna the episode that happened to them earlier. “I teased him back and called Kita-san, _‘Shin’_. Ya should’ve seen his face. He looked so offended and threatened me that he’ll eat my food.” Suna continued to brush back his hair falling over his forehead. “I told him that Kita-san won’t kiss someone with that kind of attitude.” he laughed recalling the event earlier. 

“Samu,” Suna called. Osamu met his eyes. He was wearing that unreadable point-blank expression again. 

“Yeah?” Osamu faltered, lost in Suna’s stare.

“Do you want to kiss?” 

Osamu’s heart was rapidly beating, pounding heavily and was not calm at all at that moment. It never did anyway in all those times he spent with Suna. He can’t tell if it was the grueling summer heat or his blood rushing. His mind was buzzing. Osamu was never a poet. He always wanted to wax poetry about Suna and say his thoughts more cohesively out loud, especially in moments like this, but he always finds himself lost for words.

“Yeah?” he faltered again and Suna didn't waste any more moment and pulled him close by his shirt. Osamu never believed that _“time is an illusion and a social construct”_ because he knows it was just a lame excuse Atsumu made up every time he was late or would miss something. But, in that moment, he could agree with Atsumu’s lame concept of time. He didn’t feel if it happened all fast or if it felt like an eternity. 

Suna and Osamu closed the proximity between them, their lips met each other. Suna’s hands found Osamu’s shoulders as if he was grabbing for his dear life and Osamu could say it was the same from him. He ingrained this moment in his head, wanting to remember every moment of it. Osamu wanted to remember that something so beautiful in his life happened and someone so beautiful like Suna happened. Suna closed his eyes, pressed more in, leaving Osamu feeling breathless. He didn’t know how much time had passed already; his mind felt like it's buzzing more. Suna’s hands on his shoulder loosened and cupped his cheeks. Osamu finally relaxed and kissed him back. He was not wrong about Suna’s lips, it was smooth compared to his chapped lips. Suna broke off the contact of their kiss and fluttered his eyes open. He didn’t dare to breathe, he felt like if he breathes, he would lose this moment. He brought up his hand to Suna’s face and swiped his thumb over Suna’s lips. He just kissed these lips, he thought.

“Tell your virgin brother that you just kissed _Rin_ .” Suna eventually broke the silence.

“Yer evil. That’ll terrorize him.” 

“Good.” Suna gave him a wholehearted laugh.

* * *

_Happiness is being alone every now and then and happiness is coming home again._ Osamu still remembers every lyric to that Snoopy children song. Suna would always sing songs from that show but Osamu explicitly memorized ‘Happiness’ in his head along with a twin pop ice cream and an electric fan on a certain summer day. Did he feel happiness being alone through the years? Is he happy he’s coming home again? He picks another mint from its packet.

* * *

VM: How do you keep in shape?

S: I am honestly lazy at working out, so I don’t really know. *laughs* If I do get a break, I don’t spend the time working out like some people do. I think it’s all down to how I eat. I maintain by maintaining a diet, I guess.

VM: Can you please tell us your diet.

S: Oh, it's nothing special really. Just eat regularly on time, make sure to balance the food intake from the food group and only eat the amount that you need. Just never skip a proper meal. I learned it from my former captain. He’s very strict about taking care of ourselves. 

* * *

“Did you buy me chuupet?” Suna looked paler than ever. He was sitting up on his bed, scrolling through his phone when Osamu paid him a visit. It’s been 2 days since Suna caught a bad cold and fever. 

“No but I brought ya notes and homework.” he excused. He placed down his bag on an empty chair beside Suna’s bed. 

“You promised me chuupets, traitor.” 

“I did not. Go lie down and don’t use yer phone too much.” Osamu sat on an empty space on the edge of Suna’s bed.

“It’s hard to breathe when I am lying down, my nose gets clogged. Also, why are you not wearing a mask, Samu?” Suna reached for a drawer on his nightstand. “Here.” he tossed him a pack of face masks. 

“Right, right.” Osamu followed and put in on. “Anythin’ else?” 

“Anything I want is apparently not allowed.” Suna brought his covers up to cover his body.

“Like?”

“Like chuupets, staying up, playing volleyball and going to schoo-”

“Now that’s fake.” Osamu interrupted him.

“And like kissing you.” Suna grinned from ear to ear and leaned forward. 

“That’s foul play.” Osamu moved inches away from Suna. Suna kept leaning forward to meet Osamu, pushing his covers away.

“It’s true.” Suna tugged the sleeves of his uniform but also let it go promptly. “I am kidding. I don’t want you catching my cold.” Suna went back to his original sitting up position and brought up his covers again.

“Uhhh...so ya need something?” Osamu asked him. His eyes wandered around the room trying to look for something, anything to do.

“What do you mean?” Suna asked him, visibly confused.

“I don’t know. Like, do ya need a towel in yer forehead? Do ya want me to peel apples for ya?” Osamu fiddled with his fingers. Suna's eyes widened, looking more confused. “Sorry Rin, I don’t really know how to take care of sick people and when I get sick, I’m usually passed out. I just sleep it away then I’m all good. So… just tell me if ya need anythin’.” Osamu was blushing all over despite the face mask he’s wearing, Suna can tell from the tips of Osamu’s ears alone. 

“Why are you like this?” Suna planted his face on his palms and laughed. “It’s okay really. I can take care of myself. I am feeling better anyways, and I am the one who’s actually worried about you. Go home already okay?” Osamu was about to protest but Suna gave him a ‘don’t-try-to-argue-with-me’ look. 

“Go home home already, it’s hard to focus on not kissing you right now, okay?” Suna looked away and made a shooing gesture at him.

“Yer killin’ me, Rin.” Osamu stood up and grabbed his bag to go already. He walked toward the door and looked back at Suna before turning the knob. 

“Just...just eat a proper meal and _please_ sleep early. Turn your phone off or somethin’.” 

“Aye sir.” Suna did a salute gesture and beamed a smile.

Osamu turned the knob and stepped a foot outside Suna’s room when Suna yelled “Don’t forget to send nudes later!” shamelessly. Suna will be the death of him.

When Osamu got home, his parents were not around. Atsumu told him that they’ll be coming home a bit late from their aunt’s home. Their aunt held their parents off and convinced them in staying for dinner. It only meant that Osamu would cook for the two of them.

“Any requests?” Osamu inspected the contents of their refrigerator, thinking of dishes to cook with the available ingredients.

“Ya think ya can make fatty tuna?” Atsumu yelled back to him from the living room.

“There’s no tuna here fatass. How about spam musubi?” he leaned in at the kitchen counter and rested his cheeks on his palm. 

“That’s _lunch_ food fatass. We’re eatin’ _dinner_.” Atsumu flipped through his book and tapped the end of his pencil on his forehead.

“When did you get so damn picky about what to eat? How about chicken karaage?”

“Deal.” Atsumu looked at him from where he was sitting. 

Osamu started preparing for their dinner. He marinated the chicken and dredged them in starch. There was still leftover rice from earlier that day and decided to use them for fried rice. While the chicken was frying in low heat, he started chopping garlic for the fried rice.

“Samuuuu! Yer phone’s ringin’ ring after ring.” Atsumu called him. “From Suna!” Osamu was about to bolt in the living room to retrieve his phone, but he realized he’s in the middle of cooking. 

“Let it be. Hold on, I am fryin’ already.” He yelled back, chopping more furiously. 

“Want me to just read the messages to ya?” Osamu’s ears picked up the sound of his phone being lifted by Atsumu from the table where he left it.

“NO!” he checked the pan, feeling more agitated. 

“Haha I am checkin’ it already.” _Shit_ . “He said, you owe him chuupets and… hold on,” _Fuck the_ _chicken._ Osamu stormed into their living room and snatched his phone from his brother. Atsumu raises both his hands in surrender. “That’s all I read, I swear.” 

**rin**

you owe me chuupets

i am eating dinner now

a proper one

my fever’s almost gone

i can probably go back to school the day after tomorrow

thanks for coming 

i cant wait to kiss you again

_Yer killin’ me, Rin_

* * *

Osamu almost didn’t notice his phone that was ringing ring after ring. He mindlessly answers the call without looking at the contact who’s calling. “Hello?” he asked. 

“Hello my ass. I’ve been callin’ and textin’ ya for a while now. Where are ya already? Did ya transfer train already? Are ya okay?” his brother immediately greets him. 

“Hey Tsumu, what d’ya want for dinner later? I’ll cook.”

“Huh? Ya thinkin’ ‘bout dinner already? Hmmm…” Atsumu pauses. “Fatty tuna?” 

“Figured you’ll say that.”

Over the years Osamu learned that Suna is the type of person who would prove you something until the end. One of that truly is, Suna can really take care of himself.

* * *

VM: Where do you feel confident in your body?

S: That’s a trick question.

* * *

“How do you want to do it this time?” Suna straddled his lap and asked him between harsh breaths. 

Osamu ignored the question and continued nibbling Suna’s neck. Osamu is a quiet person, everyone knew that for a fact. _“The quiet one, the meek one, the tamed one.”_ people would say that if they would distinguish the difference between him and Atsumu. Suna was used to that silence, they were after all the same. Their relationship worked on comfortable silence, a giving and generous one. Osamu doesn't particularly like too much talking, and it goes the same for Suna so it was easy for them to not force each other’s attention too much. They wouldn’t speak to each other that much when they were together, and it was just alright for the both of them.

Osamu doesn't mind if Suna doesn’t talk and it also goes the other way around for Suna. Osamu was truly grateful it worked that way. But during these moments, Osamu particularly wants to ignore everything. It was these moments he particularly wanted attention from Suna.

He kept on sucking on Suna’s neck, he made sure a mark would leave. “Osamu…” Suna moaned his name, his hands already slipping through Osamu’s shirt, travelling the expanse of his body. Osamu finally broke off the contact between his mouth and Suna’s neck. He admired the galaxy colored bruises on Suna’s skin. 

“Hey Samu, how do you want to do it this time?” he stared at Suna’s hooded eyes. 

_A trick question_ , he thought. 

“I wanna to bite your thighs.” 

Without answering, Suna kissed Osamu, tangling his arms over Osamu’s neck. Osamu immediately melted into the kiss. They shifted, tongues sliding almost lazily, and Osamu felt electric shocks run through his body. Suna kissed him harder and moaned, throaty but gentle, and Osamu just had to bite, he absolutely had to. The first scrape of his teeth was light, but it seemed like Suna was already taking a liking to it, judging by the journey his fingers attempted in unbuttoning his uniform shirt.

“Off…” Suna managed to say breaking off the kiss. They were both gasping for breath and Osamu obliged, completely unbuttoning, and taking off his shirt. 

“I thought you’re gonna bite my thighs huh?” Suna leaned over and bit Osamu’s lower lip, dragging slowly. 

Osamu untangled himself from Suna and slid down, slotting himself between Suna’s legs. He fumbled over Suna’s belt and undone them. Suna lifted his hips and let Osamu slide down his pants past his thighs. He slid his palms over Suna’s smooth pale skin, his nails slowly dragging, ever so lightly, down the inner thigh, and Suna’s back arched off the couch at the gentle stimulation. Osamu pressed a soft kiss just under the two tiny moles in Suna’s inner thighs then sucked hard, working Suna’s sensitive skin. Suna tensed, sucking in a sharp breath, unprepared for the sensation, his head tilting against at the back of the couch. Osamu popped off with a wet smack, admiring the blossoming bruise, feeling immense satisfaction at seeing a mark he put on Suna’s skin. He pressed a kiss firmly in the middle of the bruise, and Suna gasped, his hips rutting up as the bulge in his underwear grew. Suna threaded his fingers into Osamu’s hair, tugging desperately. Osamu pulled up back and pinned his arms between Suna’s head and pressed a kiss on his forehead.

“You still didn’t answer my question.” Suna pushed Osamu reversing their position, making him lie down on the couch. “I asked you how you would like to do it this time.” Suna asked, pressing his knee on Osamu’s crotch. 

“That’s a trick question.” Osamu pulled Suna into a kiss. He settled his hands on Suna’s waist and pushed their bodies closer and his tongue deeper. Meanwhile Suna’s hand started to work on Osamu’s belt, undoing them. 

“Your way this time.” Osamu declared.

“You’re taking advantage too much of Atsumu’s Youth Training Camp.”

“Don't care…”

Osamu’s hand slid down Suna’s body, to take a full grip of his ass. Completely shameless. Suna groaned into the kiss and tried to tug on Osamu's lips to earn something for himself, a sound, a bite, a dry humping session. Suna grind down with little warning and whines and _fuck_ -

Osamu was sure feeling his dick and mindlessly reaches down to grip at it and 

“I AM HOME!”

Abort abort abort—

* * *

“-cuse me. Excuse me.” Osamu didn’t notice the person sitting beside him until he felt a tug on his jacket’s sleeve. He’s resting his elbow on his seat’s arm support, his palm on his face. He’s brought to his senses and sits up properly.

“Ah, yes?” He turned to face the woman. She’s somewhat looking near her 30’s and somewhat looking concerned.

“I have medicine for motion sickness.” she offered.

“I…” Osamu blinks in confusion. “Thanks, but I am alright.” 

“Are you sure? You’re looking a bit uncomfortable a while ago.” 

“I am alright now, I swear.” he reassures her.

“Okay. Maybe you should stop or take breaks while reading. It’s bad for motion sickness.” she lets out a soft laugh. “You’re like my father.”

“Ah yes…” Osamu looks down at his copy of Volleyball Monthly.

“My father is a fan of volleyball. He has that copy as well. Now that you mentioned it… you kind of look familiar.” she brings up her pointy finger on her lips and looks up, trying to recall a memory.

“Ah is that so?”

“Yeah but I can’t seem to remember.” she gives up on her thoughts. “I watched a match of EJP with my father one time. Suna Rintarou was great! He’s really in as a pro volleyball player. Don’t you think?” 

A trick question but,

“Yeah… he does.” 

* * *

VM: If you’re not playing volleyball professionally right now, what do you think are you doing now?

S:

* * *

**rin**

a first year noticed it earlier

_Which one of them?_

**rin**

middle blocker number 18

_Ah_

_Your disciple_

**rin**

shut up

i dont have any disciples

i dont like that discipleship thing

_Says the one who was a proud disciple of Oomimi-san._

_Sure_

_How did the first year found out tho?_

**rin**

hey thats a different matter 

he was my stretching partner earlier 

and btw i am still a proud disciple oomimi-san

_What did he say?_

**rin**

he asked if some bug bit my thighs and recommended a cream for them

youre a fucking bug samu

_Hey youre a bug too_

_Remember when Riseki caught us at the storage room?_

**rin**

lol that time was actually funny

we didnt even do anything

_Yeah no shit._

_We traumatized him._

**rin**

no we traumatized atsumu

_Okay._

_That one was not funny._

_Atsumu refused to get near our couch for a freakin month._

_It was annoying as hell._

Speaking of Atsumu, Osamu looked up from his phone briefly and rolled his eyes. Atsumu’s face was plastered with a stupid grin, a very specific grin reserved for times when Atsumu was about to ask him for something. Atsumu’s elbows are folded and resting on the edge of Osamu’s top bunk bed.

“What d’ya want?” he finally said.

“Yaa Samu…” Atsumu began, the grin looking more disgusting than stupid.

“What? Tell me before I change my mind.” he said without lifting his eyes from his phone.

“Can ya cover for my laundry duties this weeke-”

“No.” Osamu immediately dismissed his brother’s favor.

“Two puddings?” Atsumu bargained.

“No.”

“I’ll do yer homework for a week?”

“Hhmmm…” _Now that’s tempting and fair,_ Osamu thought. “Where are ya goin’ this weekend anyways?” he asked instead.

“Well…” 

“Is this about Kita-san?” Osamu didn’t need Atsumu to tell him the full details since it was plain obvious to tell from Atsumu’s stupid blushing face. 

“Well it’s been 5 months since Kita-san and I started datin’ for real.” Atsumu said in a low voice, his chin now resting on his hand.

“What? I didn’t hear ya.” Osamu teased and Atsumu just gave him an annoyed look.

“Two puddings and one week of homework?” Osamu negotiated.

“Fuck ya but yeah that can work. Deal.” Atsumu left Osamu’s space and went down to his lower bunk bed.

_5 months huh_ , he thought. It’s been 5 months since their seniors graduated and when Atsumu officially asked Kita-san. They’re already in their last year of high school, their last games together…

“Hey Samu?” Atsumu asked from the lower bunk.

“What is it again?” 

“How many months since you and Suna have been together now?” was a question he didn’t expect to be asked.

“Uhhh…”

“Oi don’t tell me ya forgot? What kind of boyfriend are ya?”

_Boyfriend? Months?_ Those words didn’t sit well with Osamu. Something didn’t feel right. He and Suna felt alright throughout the months or has it been a year already? He was not entirely sure.

“Heeeyyy Saaaaamu?” Atsumu asked again, dragging the words long.

“What?” Osamu curtly replied and visibly annoyed. 

“Have the counselor talked to ya already?”

“Huh? What do ya mean?” Osamu gripped the safety rail of his upper bunk bed and peeked below.

“About the ‘after graduation plans’.” Atsumu made a quoting gesture on air. 

“No. Not yet. Do ya wanna talk about it?”

“Huh? No, and we already talked about this before.” 

Osamu withdrew and laid his back on his bed, stared at the glow-in-the-dark star-filled ceiling. _After graduation plans._ On the last days of their second year, they already talked about it. A promising volleyball career, food service, 80 years old promise and their deathbeds. It was not an easy one. It was not one of those Miya twins’ fights. Osamu’s phone buzzed from a message notification:

**rin**

btw

do we have homework for tom?

_No i dont think so_

**rin**

alright thanks

_Rin_

**rin**

yeah?

_What are your after graduation plans?_

**rin**

if i get scouted, i'll go

if not, i am probably going to college

i havent thought about what i should take though

_I am sure youll be good at whatever youll end up doing anywyas._

_*anyways_

**rin**

you’re the one to talk but thanks

_Hey Rin, what are we?_

Osamu backspaced the text. Maybe it was really alright for them just to stay like _this_ , whatever is this. Osamu started to think that maybe the label was important after all, he mentally wrote this in a new non-existent page of his list of _‘things he doesn’t know what to feel about’_ .

* * *

_If you’re not playing volleyball professionally right now, what do you think are you doing now?_ Osamu and Suna never touched this topic. They talked about almost everything back in highschool but never about the future. They talked about the past consisting of childhood memories, the life before Inarizaki High, Suna’s years in Tokyo, every little thing. But they never talked about the future. They never talked about _now_. Suna had an idea of Osamu’s future would be, everyone did. It was a known fact back then that he would stop playing volleyball and do something food service related. Suna never brought up the topic and they never had a chance to talk about college admissions or what else Suna wanted to do aside from volleyball since Suna was recruited early on. 

Osamu’s phone rings from another call from Atsumu.

“What do ya want?” he immediately greets upon picking up the phone.

“Yaa Samuuu...” Atsumu drawls, the same tone of voice he always uses when he’s about to ask Osamu for something.

“Somethin’ tells me that yer gonna ask me a favor or somethin’.” he gruntled, as always.

“I didn’t know ya can read people’s mind.” Atsumu jested.

“Haha. Funny Tsumu. We’re identical twins for fuck’s sake. What is it?”

“Actually, I won’t be able to pick ya up at the station. Can ya take a taxi instead?”

“Ah…”, he’s kind of looking forward to seeing Atsumu and for their drive home. “Okay.” he eventually replied, trying to hide the disappointment.

“Sorry Samu, Mom asked me to drive her instead to our Aunt’s. Unless ya wanna wait for me at the station?”

“Yeah yeah. I’ll take the taxi instead.”

“Alright see ya later. I’ll buy ingredients for dinner!”

“Yeah, later. Bye.” he ends the call. 

He badly wants the train to go back in reverse.

* * *

VM: Of all your accomplishments as a professional volleyball player, is there a match or tournament that is memorable for you? Why?

S: My last high school Nationals Tournament.

VM: Oh, why is it so?

* * *

“Are you going to practice later?” Suna asked. The weather was too cold for the rooftop and Osamu didn’t feel like eating lunch, which was rare. They placed their chairs side by side together by the classroom window instead during cold days, this way they could still watch the school grounds. Though, nothing much happens in the school grounds during this time of the year. They could see the rare well-formed clouds and the horizon from the view of their classroom window, nonetheless.

“Hhmm...not anymore.” Osamu leaned on Suna’s shoulder. 

It was done already. 

It was Monday and they just got back from Tokyo from their last Spring High Tournament, their last game - _his last game_. Osamu felt that he left a piece of him back in Tokyo. Another bullet for his list of _‘things he doesn’t know what to feel about’_ .

“Rin, how does the story end?”

“What story?” Suna tilted his head to face Osamu, who was resting on his shoulder.

“The dehydrated turtle and the deer.” Osamu answered, his gaze still fixed at the horizon. There was nothing to see beside the too cloudy gray sky today. Why does the school year have to end like this? So gray, cold and lifeless. The sakura trees are blossoming even late this year.

“Ah. I don’t know. There are no clouds today.” Suna’s hand found Osamu’s and stayed there.

“EJP huh?”

“Yeah them.” Suna traced the lines of his palms. Staring from the fate line, then the life line...

“Where is it based again?” 

“I honestly don’t know. I haven’t read the letter yet.” Then Suna drew imaginary lines in the head line.

“Rin, I think I am going home early today. I won’t wait for you and Tsumu to go home together.” Osamu broke off Suna’s work on his palms, right at the love line and held them firmly instead. “Okay…”

“Just today?”

“I don’t know.” Osamu loosened the grip and brought Suna’s hand close. He looked at him and gently kissed the back of his hand, a gesture like an apology.

“Rin... I like us right now.”

“Me too.”

* * *

Time ceases again. He is reading the lines from the magazine too fast and the train feels like it's moving too slowly. The more time is running, the more it creates a slow-motion effect on Osamu. This very moment feels like a step-printing motion and Osamu badly wants to go back. He wants to go back on that certain Tuesday morning when he was running late for class, that particular day on the rooftop when he stole Atsumu’s food or any of that time on the rooftop when the weather was good and the clouds are visible. That one summer day would be nice, an afternoon at the couch without Atsumu would be fine. He wants to back more importantly on that one evening at the convenience store. Was the timing back then wrong? Was it too fast? Osamu couldn't comprehend these things anymore. After all, it’s too late now. The story was over. He flips the last page of Suna’s interview.

* * *

VM: Do you have any hidden talent?

* * *

Maybe Osamu was a masochist after all. 

What could go wrong with helping Suna packing his things up to leave Hyogo in a few hours? Apparently, everything. He brought this shit to himself, he was the one who volunteered and invited himself in helping Suna and even seeing him off at the station. Dumb stupid clown move. 

“When will Atsumu leave again?” Suna asked as they folded his clothes on the floor of his room.

“Next month. I can’t wait.” Osamu tried to fit Suna’s clothes on his luggage, an attempt to make his duffel bag lighter to carry around.

“Nope, I bet you’re gonna miss him.”

“Ugh stop puttin’ it that way.”

“Anndd you’re gonna miss me the most.” Suna playfully hits him with a shirt.

“Hhhmm maybe?” 

“I am only gonna say it only once but…” Suna trailed off and stopped rolling his shirts into smaller folds.

“But?” Suna gave him a sullen look and Osamu swore he wished he knew what goes on Suna’s head more than ever. _Why are you giving me a look that says we’re not gonna see each other_ _anymore? Is parting this hard?_ , he wanted to ask.

“I am going to miss you.” Osamu wished that Suna didn’t say it instead, that was more realistic. Instead of giving him a reply, Osamu brought their faces closer together and kissed his eyelid. A soft, gentle one, a gesture like a promise or more over like a goodbye.

“Rin, I am going to ask it only once but, _what are we_ ?” he held his breath for no reason, he felt like he knew what’s gonna be the end of this story anyway. 

“I am sorry for not giving us the label.”

“We fucked around too much, or did we fail to actually fully realize and talk about our feelings first?”

“Both.”

They were both not ready for all of this. 

“Is this how the story ends?”

“No?”

“Do you want to start over again?”

A part of Osamu still wanted Suna like that day on the rooftop, it never changed anyways. His feelings were still the same but feelings for the _both_ of them? Things are more complicated than he thought. Osamu never thought that feelings would creep up like that. 

Suna got up and pulled the drawer from his nightstand. He returned with a small box and sat in front of him. It was a box of cards. He removed the card from the box and skillfully shuffled them. He placed the pile on the floor and spread the cards. 

“Let’s play high and low one last time” Suna declared. 

“What’s the catch?”

“The usual.”

Without hesitation Suna took the first card at the end of the deck and with trembling fingers

Osamu hesitantly followed. He took a card somewhere from the middle. A Queen of Hearts. Osamu showed his card to Suna, feeling the lady luck a bit on his side. A sliver of hope that he can still turn things around. 

Suna raised his card, trying not to meet Osamu’s gaze. Well, lady luck has always been Suna’s side or was it another Suna’s magic tricks? He should’ve known back in their days playing cards when boredom strikes or those times Suna would show off the tricks he knows on cards. An Ace of Diamonds.

“We can start over... maybe next time. Do you think we can wait?” Suna asked and Osamu felt a tug on his heart. 

“We’ll see.”

“What will we become from now on?” Suna was the one who asked this time.

“Whatever you do is fine with me.”

And just like that it was over. They finished packing Suna’s things just on time for the train. Suna just made it by a hair. Osamu thought that it was easier that way. Suna running to catch the train with those baggage and a rushed unintelligible words of goodbye was the easiest way to say goodbye. Osamu was grateful and at the same time he thought that Suna was still too beautiful for this world. He imprinted the image of Suna in his blue and white windbreaker, running past many people, muttering apologies, and brushing his hair away from his face. He ingrained on his mind the last wave of goodbye as Suna tried to look back for the last time. Osamu wanted to remember that something so beautiful in his life happened and someone so beautiful like Suna happened.

On his way home, he received a message from Suna. One of the messages, they would forget buried in their phones’ inbox years later.

**rin**

thank you for these past 3 years

and for today

see you next time

dont try to worry too much abt me

and

i am sure youll be good at whatever youll end up doing

* * *

Osamu pauses reading at this point for a while, his phone was buzzing for some quiet time now and of course the messages are from Atsumu.

**tsumu**

samu

what r u wearin rn?

reply asap

geez whats takin u so long to reply?

ya sleepin?

ugh pain in the ass as always

dont make me guess 

so is it a white shirt and a denim jacket?

plus a white cap, is it????

IS IT???? 

_What the fuck?_

_Why are you asking?_

_No, I was not sleeping._

_What do you mean ‘pain in the ass as always’? Excuse me. That’s you._

_And yes, the denim jacket we bought in Tokyo a year ago._

_And plain white shirt. Yeah that too._

_I am not wearing a cap but I brought it with me. Its the black one tho._

**tsumu**

fuckin finally took u ages to reply

i was bookin ya a grab car service ill send ya the details

_Ugh you dont have to do that. But thanks._

Osamu realizes the time and looks out of his window. Just a few more minutes. The mountains are visible again and of course the clouds over Hyogo is the best in his opinion. The sky was always clearer at home. It’s been years. 

* * *

VM: Monster Generation, are you aware about this coined term about your generation?

S: (laughs) Yeah, I know about it and the others too.

VM: Who do you mean by the others?

S: From my teammates Komori and Washio-san.

VM: Did you know them back in the days?

S: My team played against Komori’s team when we were in high school at the Nationals. We didn’t get a chance to play against Washio-san’s team though. 

VM: How is it like playing professionally for EJP and with them?

* * *

It’s been years but, on that day, Osamu swore that he should really read the news first, the ticket invitation and the poster. 

“Hey, I swear I thought ya actually knew that’s why I am surprised that ya came here.” Atsumu explained.

Osamu didn’t need to complain to Atsumu. The moment Atsumu saw Osamu outside the MSBY locker room, Atsumu knew he fucked up. 

A MSBY V.S. EJP game on a Saturday night instead of trying out new recipes for Onigiri Miya menu. It was like that when Osamu saw Suna again, 3 years later after he saw Suna off the station. It was a time where Onigiri Miya were still starting so there was no Onigiri Miya food stall to keep him busy. Osamu had to sit through the entire game. 

“So, yer gonna go back already?” Atsumu asked.

“No, too late. Saw him already.”

“Did he saw you?”

“Nah.”

“So, yer still gonna watch?”

“Yeah.”

“Yer sittin’ at MSBY bleachers or at EJP’s?” Atsumu teased, raising an eyebrow.

“Shut up.” 

“Well, the match is gonna start soon so ya better go secure a seat already at EJP bleachers- I mean, at the MSBY bleachers. Off you go.” Atsumu pushed his shoulders and walked with him to see him off the hall. “Ya sure yer gonna be okay?” he asked, tugging down the baseball cap he was wearing.

“Yeah. I’ll be fine.” Osamu reassured.

Atsumu turned his back and started walking back to the locker room. “Alright alright. See ya later. Go think where we are gonna eat later.” he called back for the last time.

Osamu also walked back where he should be. He still hoped to score a good seat and maybe go line up for the famous corn dog that they sell in the venue. 

“Ah, it’s Atsumu!” someone exclaimed, Osamu almost didn’t notice since he was looking down and wearing a cap. 

“Komori, that’s not Atsumu. That’s Osamu.” And Osamu’s heartstrings tugged all at once. Three years already. That’s also equivalent to the time they spent together back in high school. Osamu refused to look up. He felt like the timing was wrong again. Too early? Or was it wrong for him to think too much of the past and that day Suna said goodbye, he didn’t even think about the possibility of the day they would meet each other again. Maybe he did at some point, but Osamu waited for Suna for too long, maybe he forgot it already. He waited when the first season ended, he waited every holiday, he waited every day. He even tried to forget and maybe move on his life but Suna was too much for that. He can’t just do that. 

“Go ahead Komori. I’ll catch up.”

“We have a few more minutes to prepare. Be fast!”

“Yeah.”

Komori Motoya from Itachiyama, huh? So, they’re teammates now. Komori left them standing in the middle of the hallway. Osamu still didn’t dare to look up properly.

“Samu, look at me.” 

“Suna…”

Suna was still too beautiful for this world. Beneath his EJP track jacket, he was wearing an all white jersey. The color white really suits him. 

“The black hair suits you.” Suna said, smiling to himself which was kind of unfair. “Cheering for EJP or MSBY?” Suna asked, his hands hidden away from the pocket of his jacket.

“That’s a trick question.” 

“I am going to kick your brother’s ass today. Cheer for me then.” Suna bragged.

“Okay... Ah Suna, I think I should get going now? You know, to get a seat and you too. You should prepare for your match.” Osamu stumbled on his words. It was awkward as hell and the scene was downright ugly. He was scratching the back of his neck and his eyes were clearly trying to avoid Suna’s gaze.

“You used to call me Rin.” 

“Oh…”

“Suna the captain is calling for you already!” Komori called out from the end hallway. 

“You’re right. I should go now. It was nice seeing you again really, Samu.” Suna turned his back and started going back to the locker rooms. Maybe the scene should end like this, awkward and ugly. Osamu thought that he doesn't need anymore false hopes, remorse or any of those feelings again but his own voice betrayed him.

“Rin?” 

“What?” 

Suna turned around to face him and this time Osamu met his gaze properly. 

“Goodluck.” Osamu managed to say and Suna gave him a smile. The kind of smile where you really can’t see Suna’s eyes anymore. The kind of smile where his gums and the crooks of his teeth are already showing. The kind of smile that is enough to make him forget the unresolved past behind them. Osamu’s heart was never calm in those moments.

* * *

VM: Any advice for aspiring young athletes?

S: Be it volleyball or something else, I am sure you'll be good at whatever you'll end up doing. Other choices are not abandonment or defeat.

* * *

Suna might be or might not be in town but if he’s here, _please_ , this time made up already.

Osamu is mentally giving himself a pep talk as he shoves the magazine back in the paper bag. He’s preparing to leave the train now. He reads the details of Atsumu’s message for the car that would be waiting at him outside the station. He hauls his stuffs and makes his way to leave. He should’ve asked Atsumu if Suna was here in the first place. He’s been thinking of Suna all this time and has been constantly worrying over coming back when he could send a single text message to Atsumu to ask about it. Osamu tries to think about something else. He’s in Hyogo. He’s finally home. He thinks of all the things he wants to do. Visiting Kita-san’s rice farm is probably the top on his list and to eat at his and Atsumu’s favorite ramen place, the unlimited yakiniku place sounds good too. 

He steps off from the train and crosses the yellow line and heads towards the exit. Looking back now, this is the place where he and Suna left things off. Except it was pretty crowded and people were rushing in. He heads to the terminal of taxis and cars just around the corner outside the station. He scans the area to look for a black car with the plate number Atsumu sent. Instead of finding the car, Osamu finds a 22 year old Suna Rintarou leaning on a white car and maybe this timing was the right one. Osamu is frozen on his place, a duffel bag on his shoulder, a phone on his hand and a heavy heart. Suna smiles at him and waves. He’s wearing a black knitted vest over a white dress shirt, culottes pants and a pair of white sneakers. He walks across the sidewalk and stops 6 feet away from him. They stand there smiling at each other.

“Stand up straight and let me get a look on you.”

Osamu stands a little straighter this time and continues to look at Suna with the same smile. 

“What’s so funny?” Suna asked and he simply shrugs.

“Well, it’s nice to see you too again. Can we start over again?” Suna asked him, determined this time and Osamu felt his chest welling up.

“Whatever you do is fine with me.”

**Author's Note:**

> yell at me at [twt: @sunapspsps](https://twitter.com/sunapspsps) !!! my twt is p much empty so pls do YELL! this was actually a writing exercise for a screenplay lmao. i referenced movie scenes in this fic, were you able to catch it? again, thank you for reading <3
> 
> additional note (3 months later): i still dont know what u guys saw in this fic that u made it so loved huhu. thank you so much!!! i appreciate every reads, kudos and comments sfnsjdfjksdfds. 
> 
> if u want to read me rambling abt this fic u can find it in my [carrd](https://3838-07734.carrd.co)  
> -rin (jFC yes my nickname is also rin)


End file.
